Life in the Middle Age Lane

After 9/11 everyone I knew was speaking about the senseless tragic terror attack on our country.  EVERYONE Flags were spotted in everyone's front yard, vigils, memorials, school and church programs, and on and on. After the second most deadly attack on our country in Orlando, I am not witnessing as much shock or horror from our citizens.  Have we lost our empathy or just simply have learned to live with the horror of it all.  Or worst, was it because the attack took place not in a preschool or church but in a gay night club.  I pray that it isn't the latter.  I pray that people aren't looking away or facing the horror of this because it happen to this community of people.  I pray that we all felt the pain of loss when this happen and did not lose our empathy towards others. This terrorist attack has been funneled through a sieve full of outcries regarding "gun control, hate crime against the LGBT community, Muslim hate" and so on.  If it wa...

Certain conversations and opinions at times echo in my head when I least expect it.  I think it's a way my sub conscience "highlights" what I should be paying attention to.  I suffered from low self esteem/insecurities most of my life as I imagine most women have.   Trying to achieve the Barbie figure or wondering why no one has whisked me off my feet with grand romantic gestures, surely something is wrong with me.  Of course all this subtly lifted as I matured and realized that this was not the real world. Other insecurities took their place, my lack of higher education among my peers was a sore spot.  My lack in attention to expensive brands and fashion names, when it was all the rage among the PTO moms made me feel like I was missing something.  Which of course, I wasn't. Now a days, a few years short of turning 50, I listen to the positive words my friends say to me.  How easy it is for me to approach strangers and strike up a conversa...

This is a post that comes with serious consideration prior to typing it out.  This is why it's taking me a few days to get it out there.  That and an extremely bad case of food poisoning that ruined a beautiful Saturday and consequently Valentines day. That's another story in itself. I've always known deep in my heart that we are here to learn, teach, and improve ourselves.  That everything we encounter regardless of how insignificant is because we are in a constant change, a metamorphoses in a way.  Some lessons come easy and others very difficult.  It's my belief and whats in my core.  When things go astray in my plans I no longer get angry or upset, I just trudge forward.  When I missed my flight and the chain of events started unfolding I did not know what the lesson would be, if it was meant for me or someone else, nevertheless I had the best attitude possible and made it an adventure instead of a catastrophe.  Sometimes it is a fine l...

Houston has been unusually cold lately.   The more I exercise the more I want to go clothes shopping. My kids think my life revolves around wine, my life revolves around them which leads me to drinking wine. I read on a tweet that grief is equal to the love we give and I found it profound. I love watching Game of Thrones but find that SNL got it right when they did the skit about it. (one of the writers has to be a prepubescent 13 year old with a fetish for boobies.) I do not dance enough with my husband and that would be one of my regrets. Thinking back when I was about 14, I wanted to be a clown....I often wonder if I would be in clown rehab by now if I had followed my dream. It's easy to lose who you are when you try to please everyone and not hurt anyone's feelings The love of my family speaks volumes of their beauty and perhaps my own.

What can I say about 2013?  I hope that I grew a little wiser, loved a little more, appreciated the diversity and difference in people more than before.  As with many things, I am still a work in progress.  I have been blessed with an enormous amount of good friends that I need to work on returning their love and appreciation.  Over the 47 years of life, I have been able to hang on to friends from different decades of my life. Each one molding me to be a better person, the couple of "friends" that I no longer have are the ones that affected me the most in seeing what my limits were and also my short comings.  I am most grateful for those failures. I can honestly say that this year was all about improving my relationships with neighbors, friends, and acquaintances.  Learning to say "no, that won't work for me" was my biggest challenge and still is.  But I am getting there.  I can't give 100% to all and the ones I should, my family is what sho...

It's not what you think.  I have been on this new chapter of my life (the early empty nester) for almost two years.  At the same time also adjusting to remote parenting *Thank you Skype!, an "adult" son living nearby and having a more open schedule since my days of PTO, car pool, school sports are no longer part of my life. Being only 46, I felt I still had more mothering in me to do.  With no kids and more time on my hands then I ever imagined.  I prayed... I prayed for purpose and direction.  What a great thing to ask for.  Everyone needs purpose and direction to feel part of society.  I prayed that I can still make a difference. My prayer was answered in the form of a 71 year old white haired, blue eyed, father in law.  In so many ways, it's like having a 3 year old all over again.  In other ways, you get the wisdom of a man who has lived a good life, traveled, knows my best friends childhood memories, and shows you how to muster u...

This coming month many people associate it with family, friends, gifts and so many up lifting things.  But what we forget is that it is also a time when many people slump into depression, desperation and hopelessness.  Reach outside yourself and really see the people around you.  You just never know what your neighbors are going through. Some are experiencing a holiday without a loved one this year for the first time, some have been told it will be their last Christmas, and others just feel that way.  We know someone in each category this year and my heart hurts for them.   This reminds me that we all have something to be grateful for in this life regardless of how small it may be.  Let's pray for those who forgot why they should be grateful, pray for those in hospitals, and pray for those battling their demons of self doubt and sadness.   Recently, there was an woman on the news who was not advised her father had died 30 days prior. ...