Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Subtle depth

Certain conversations and opinions at times echo in my head when I least expect it.  I think it's a way my sub conscience "highlights" what I should be paying attention to.  I suffered from low self esteem/insecurities most of my life as I imagine most women have.   Trying to achieve the Barbie figure or wondering why no one has whisked me off my feet with grand romantic gestures, surely something is wrong with me.  Of course all this subtly lifted as I matured and realized that this was not the real world.

Other insecurities took their place, my lack of higher education among my peers was a sore spot.  My lack in attention to expensive brands and fashion names, when it was all the rage among the PTO moms made me feel like I was missing something.  Which of course, I wasn't.

Now a days, a few years short of turning 50, I listen to the positive words my friends say to me.  How easy it is for me to approach strangers and strike up a conversation to make them feel welcomed and valued.  How I go out of my way to make sure the new person doesn't feel so new.  It's a big part of being me.

I can pinpoint exactly where this comes from.

When I was a child about 5 years old, my mother ran away with us.  We moved to Chicago and lived in a basement apartment.  Not knowing anyone, our family hundreds of miles away, it was scary and lonely.   I only spoke Spanish at the time.  I remember this like it was yesterday.

A kind women next door saw us looking through the basement window, at the party going on with lots of children running all around.   She went out of her way to invite us over to the party and to make us feel like children again.  It was the most amazing feeling that I will never forget.  Now as an adult, I try to spread her grace, kindness and compassion to all the newbies.  And in so doing so I hope that my children have learned this unspoken lesson without having to feel the loneliness that it was forged from.

Hoping everyone has a remarkable day!

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