Life in the Middle Age Lane

In less than a week I will be turning 49 years old.  I would have thought that by this age I would know what I wanted to do with my life.  For sure by 45 or 46.  Well those years went by quickly and now I am looking down the barrel of my 40's gone by. For some reason, I want to really, really, really enjoy this last year in my 40's despite still not having a clue what I want to do with my life.  I joke with my daughter (who has been bombarded with that same question since she started college) I don't even know if I want to start a family!  Needless to say I get an eye roll with that remark. I don't know if subconsciously I think my 50's will be the start of a down hill journey or the loss of so many friends has prompted me to rethink how I live my life.  Perhaps a little of both.  Regardless, I want to do something different this year.  What if it is my last year?  Isn't it always a "last year" of some sort.  Things are constantly...

This is a post that comes with serious consideration prior to typing it out.  This is why it's taking me a few days to get it out there.  That and an extremely bad case of food poisoning that ruined a beautiful Saturday and consequently Valentines day. That's another story in itself. I've always known deep in my heart that we are here to learn, teach, and improve ourselves.  That everything we encounter regardless of how insignificant is because we are in a constant change, a metamorphoses in a way.  Some lessons come easy and others very difficult.  It's my belief and whats in my core.  When things go astray in my plans I no longer get angry or upset, I just trudge forward.  When I missed my flight and the chain of events started unfolding I did not know what the lesson would be, if it was meant for me or someone else, nevertheless I had the best attitude possible and made it an adventure instead of a catastrophe.  Sometimes it is a fine l...

While I was looking through our albums I came across my first wedding album.  Looking at the picture I hardly recognized myself.  And I certainly forgot who my bridesmaid were.  It has been over 28 years! All such beautiful ladies.  Rachel my maid of honor and I have unfortunately grown apart. She will always have a special part in my heart. A year older than me, I always wished I could have her life.  Top of her class, the love and closeness of her siblings, and amazing parents.  I spent a lot of time at her home during her senior year.  She went of to college and became an attorney and I became a wife. “Though the road's been rocky it sure feels good to me.”  ―  Bob Marley

What a heck of a week!  I know I shouldn't complain but everyone has those kind of days that you feel you are being tested by a higher power.  Many times I fail that test.  One thing I have learned about me is that my first reaction to something that I cannot control or fix is the worst one....anger.  I get angry, then I deflect blame and then I calm down.  After over 45 years of this horrible cycle, and perhaps maybe 5 years of awareness, it's time to just stop.   I know that many of you think I live a close to perfect life. For the most part, I am very blessed with family, friends, and prosperity. Which leads me to Facebook.  FB is full of happy go lucky people and to some viewing the postings is difficult.  For those thinking life is always roses and no thorns, I have news for you.....EVERYONE has rough days.  Days we feel beat up, days we feel sad, days we doubt our faith.  Facebook is not a medium to post life's tribulatio...