Thursday, August 9, 2012

Love & Marriage

John drives me crazy.  I can go on and on, and at times I do  about all the things that just "irk" me.  My closest of girlfriends and Tommy (Male BF) know what I'm talking about!  But they also see we are made for each other.  We are so different that what we lack in, the other makes up for it.  For example, John is the most compassionate person I know.  I feel that I lack compassion at times and see the world in a more cynical way.  John is optimistic. There are other ways that we compliment each other and luckily we have the same goals, unfortunately we have different ways of approaching them.  It's a sheer miracle our kids have turned out so well and balanced.  They both seem to have our best traits in them.  

We recently made friends with new neighbors and I was surprised when she commented on how perfect we are for each other and a great couple (and we never had a fight). I am glad we give that perception, but anyone who has been married knows that every marriage has it's up and down.  Many times my feelings get hurt or I hurt his feelings by saying something insensitive.  John usually does something to embarrass me or does something without really thinking how I would feel.  Its' just thoughtless and of course being a woman I take it very personally.  I wonder how many other marriages go thru this.  (Am I an anomaly?)

I too see many "perfect" marriages and wonder if they ever fight or hurt each other feelings.  I think they do.  We all have a bad day now and then.  The grown up thing to do is work through it and communicate with your partner.  Not always, but now and then we throw a tantrum or two. This is where our girlfriends come in and are the cheap man's therapist.  Thank goodness for girlfriends who hear you out and tell you what you need to hear and then tell you the truth. 

Gwenthyn Paltrow said it perfectly ""My parents (Bruce Paltrow and Blythe Danner) were married for 30-something years, and he said [it was] because they never wanted to get divorced at the same time." You can read the entire article here.

I always quote Bruce Paltrow's wisdom.  In the end, we feel that our only choice is to work things out and make life happier for one another, I cannot imagine life without the man who helped me grow up. The only person who knows me better than I know myself.

 And as we get older, the word acceptance replaces compromise.   We don't have to do everything together like when we were in our 20's, and 30's brought a decade of get-togethers' with friends & their kids and vacationing with other families, our 40's is redefining our selves, individually and as a couple without kids at home.  Each decade is another chapter in our story.  So far every chapter has had a happy ending, not by chance but by choice.  


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